29 Reasons why I hate Obama, and why he won’t be elected again:

1. Delayed the decline of a collapsing and outdated American automotive industry. Restructured American gems of innovation like GM into a grotesque new form.

2. Changed the focus of the military to Afghanistan, a country we already conquered, from where it needs to be... with the WMD and rampant terrorism still in Iraq.

3. Closed the proven effective camp at Guantanamo Bay.

4. Supports charter schools and provided more incentives to start them, when most of our kids already go to private schools here in New England.

5. Appointed the first Latina to the Supreme Court, breaking an age old unbroken line of old white men completely in touch with reality.

6. Gave money to people who buy a Prius, blatantly supporting overseas companies. AMERICA.

7. Opened more health centers for the veterans who are intent on abusing the health care system.

8. Improved relations with those pussy NATO countries we walked over a few years ago by cooperating in Libya.

9. Provided incentives to get rid of classic cars. Cash for Clunkers: Offensive.

10. Changed supremely effective military leadership.

11. Closed my god damn offshore tax haven in the Caymans.

12. Wont award my dads no-bid defense contract anymore.

13. Now I have to watch news about casualties of war, I was better off during the media blackout.

14. Gave more money to the FDA and closed the loopholes my energy drink company used to get by their guidelines.

15. Allows Medicare to negotiate with drug manufacturers... seriously?

16. Gave 2.1 million jobs to Mexcans through the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act, probably.

17. Ended incentives to outsource call centers to India. Now I feel bad about yelling at customer service reps. over the phone when my hot pocket burns my tongue, because they’re American.

18. Made water park information gathering compliant with the Geneva Convention standards and now we call it ‘torture’.

19. Ended the ‘stop-loss’ policy which kept soldiers in Iraq/Afghanistan on extended vacation past they’re ‘enlistment date’.

20. Made power plants produce 15% of their energy from renewable resources. Yeah, lets rely on the Sun for energy. WHAT IF ITS CLOUDY MOTHERFUCKER.

21. Covered 4 million more kids with SCHIP, that just sound dirty.

22. Vaccination programs expanded? I heard that will create super bugs.

23. Cut salaries of senior White House aids to only 100k... I say good, they’ve been useless anyways.

24. Lowed drug costs for seniors... More viagra for grandpa, great.

25. Limited aerial bombing in Afghanistan. Next we’ll be exclusively dropping easy-bake ovens on Iran.

26. Allowed for embryonic stem-cell research. If South Park has told me anything, its that Christopher Reeve is likely to start eating babies now.

27. FDA now regulates my smokes? Big government, get out.

28. Sent our troops home. They probably left for a reason.

29. Killed Osama Bin Laden. Family infighting I guess.